Sublime Vacuity

Friday, 27 January 2006

The past 45 minutes of my life have been consumed with blood, sweat and beers researching the following true story of a long forgotten legend.....

AIRSTREAM TO ANONYMITY: The tornadic rise and fall of America's First Trailerpark Supermodel, Crystal May Topaz.

CHAPTER ONE
The Zenith

Here we see Crystal May at the apex of her career in her most loved ad. Her well toned leg gingerly stepping out of the harvest gold tub onto the matching patterned vinyl. Even the innocent shapeless white cotton towel cant contain the force, the energy, the passion, that is Crystal May.

Crystal May was the most prolific trailer park supermodel the world had ever seen. The camera loved her. She was born for mobile home advertising. Nothing was too challenging....

A perfectionist, she insisted on doing all her own stunts, here we see her canoeing down a raging canal, unafraid, alive with the 3 mile an hour breeze wafting through her aqua-netted sprayed hair.
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She was also a natural portraying the loving military wife in one of her most patriotic ads....

Although Crystal May would never have children of her own, you would never know it from her warm motherly way of pouring fresh squeezed lemonade in this family picnic scene....

Fastforward eight years later.......

Crystal May hit rock bottom. The only work she could get was as a hand model for Spam. I will attempt to recreate the compelling story and impending downfall of this goddess of aluminum housing.

The Early Years......

Crystal May was born an orphan and adopted by the first feline husband and wife act in vaudeville, The Friskies. The Friskies gained fame and fortune by being able to cough up enormous flaming hairballs, always a crowd pleaser. They even went to Europe and performed their act for the Queen. Crystal May took to a life in the spotlight like cellulite to a 41 year old thigh. A star was born.

to be continued..........